Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
