The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
