dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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