A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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