I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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