The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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