it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
