Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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