I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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