Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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