I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
