I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
