Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
