woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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