he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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