Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
