so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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