I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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