id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
