I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
