Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
