You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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