ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
did i just pee glitter
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
