I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
