Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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