last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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