My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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