just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
