And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
