If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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