Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
