i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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