Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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