we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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