just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
