first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
worst night to have a conscience
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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