I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
