you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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