Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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