Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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