I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
