Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
