Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
