his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
