what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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