It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
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He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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