i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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