Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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