If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Randomize
