Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The Olympian is in my bed
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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