i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He shit in the fireplace
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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