oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
