You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
