Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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