I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
