you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she peed on how many people?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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