I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
