I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
