Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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