Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
