you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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