D3 body, D1 cock
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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