lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
