Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
