Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
