you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
