i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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