I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
