Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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