I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just threw up on my dentist
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
