Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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