i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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