Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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