Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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