The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
