My sheets look like a crime scene.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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