Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
